Monday, 15 December 2014

Wake Up, it's almost time

So now I had Jess, but a couple months before I left, the idea of me leaving started sinking in for her, so she started distancing herself from me and we stopped spending so much time. She started hanging out with a few other people - who I introduced her to, so she would have more friends when I left.

And I went down hill. I hit rock bottom and didn't even notice, I was so focused on counting down the weeks, every time I felt horrid I would say to myself, "it's fine. X many weeks and I'm gone and I'll be good then."
I was eating two meals a day, most days. A big Breakfast and a big lunch, and occasionally dinner if I was hungry in the evening, but I usually wasn't.
Every time I saw my sister, she would tell me to eat a burger. 
But I didn't see it. Though I did have a few pairs of shorts that started feeling big.
For 6 weeks, I did not wash my hair.. And for some reason I thought it was fine...
I know I was neglecting myself in other ways, but my memory is very vague of that time.

It was a few days before I was finishing up at work, and I had an anxiety attack, I didn't even realize what it was! - I have always had issues with anxiety, I notice what's going on before my nerves even start tingling, usually... But this was not like that. All it was was a sharp pain in my rib which made me feel like I couldn't take a proper breath in. I thought it was a stitch or a cramp or something, until it wouldn't go away and I began getting dizzy and faint from a lack of oxygen.

This was like a slap in my face. It was my body telling me. No, screaming at me, to wake the hell up and look after myself. 

So now I had two more weeks until I was to board my flight for England. Not really sure what I did in those weeks. Sold my car. Filled out forms for my sister to buy me out on our house. And finished reading the hunger games books - could not put them down!
Oh, and focused on looking after myself a bit more.

I guess this was a life lesson here. How important it is to look after oneself. 
When I had that anxiety attack, I had a doctor say that I shouldn't be going anywhere in my condition. 
But where would I be then? I don't believe I would have gotten better staying where I was. My condition was environmental and even now, the idea of going back makes me anxious, but now it's something that I know I can overcome.

Everything that happens in life will bring with it opportunities. A chance to do something, go somewhere, say something or even just the opportunity to have a thought, an epiphany about where you're going with your life, what you're doing, or what you want or need at that time..

1 comment:

  1. you forgot the part where mum said to go! great post sweetie, love the style that's developing, keep it up!

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